Fears.

We are going to play a little game where I lay down on the black couch and you are the shrink. You get to analyze how crazy I am. This should be fun. Here we go.

Lets talk countdowns for a minute.

Bloomsday is 8 days away.

IsaBody Challenge is 14 days away.

and I today I am scared.

I keep reading this quote that Ashley posted.

Think it, dream it and when it comes your way,
take a moment to fear it, and then run with it…

and I am thinking…”RUN” with it. You want me to “RUN”? How am I going to get through Bloomsday? I have a goal this year that I set for myself and I am freaked out that I just am going to burn myself out before the end. Can I really do Bloomsday under 2 hours? I have been running outside more the last couple of weeks and its different. I like being outside but I am so use to a clock telling me what I should be doing and now I have to listen to my body and my mind.

Here is the conversation.
Your such a stoner. How in the hell are you running right now? Is this possible? Remember you on the smoking corner in your Converse shoes. Remember? Now you are running? You must look awfully silly with those running clothes on…maybe if you lit a cigarette while you ran…yep. that would make it more comfortable for you.

shall I keep going?

Running is NOT comfortable for me.  I don’t like all my flab smacking me around on the pavement. (Yes, I have 4 kids and they gave me lots of extra skin.) I get tangled up in my ipod. My pants are falling down because I have no idea what to wear when I run. How do I carry my water? a fanny pack? Can you tell I am a little bit crazy right now?

I never ran as a little kid. I had asthma so I got the free walk for the mile. Therefore, I didn’t run. Ever. I have been working on my form, speed and endurance for almost 6 months now and I still feel like I have so far to go. Will I ever be able to run a full mile without stopping to walk? Will running ever feel natural? Will I be able to confidently say I am a runner and I enjoy it?

Then we have the IsaBody Challenge with is like the Isagenix version of the biggest loser. I have to give them my after picture on May 7th. I don’t look like the beach body supermodel that you see on all the shows. I still have some weight to lose and the varicose veins don’t fit into that perfect picture either. I am the average girl in the average town with the average belly. (Well I may break the record for my baby belly and stretch marks. I would smoke THAT contest…)

or this blog? Why am I writing all this stuff down?  Am I motivating anyone? Should I take it down? To many drugs it think….

WHEW!
I feel better. Thanks for helping.

I don’t know where this journey is going to end and I don’t know if I ever will be a “runner”. I hope that I win $120,000 and get a free trip to California but I can’t stop there. I have to keep going and finding that Inner Hippie everyday so that I can be a better person. I know my next goal is to run a 5K without walking sometime this fall. I still have 2o lbs. to lose that seem to be coming off very slowly but I WILL get there. A voice that was once was very quiet is louder now. I am listening to that voice. The voice of me. This voice is positive, strong and knows no limits. I know my Inner Hippie will take me where I need to go even though I am scared as hell.

**If I am motivating you in anyway or you are enjoying how crazy I am can you comment on my post or FaceBook page. I need some feedback people. Thanks. Peace.

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