For months I have been thinking about blowing up this blog. I had nothing to write about besides meal plans and B.S. I had lost my “Inner Hippie” once again and this time a huge wall was built up around me that I couldn’t break down.
I don’t know why God has decided that NOW he wanted to throw the wall up. Maybe it was my mom being in the ICU all last summer. Maybe it was the Zumba ministry I took in with everything I had left in me. Whatever it was. It was Gods plan. Not mine. (Yep. This is where I tell you I am going to be talking about God in this blog from now on. I didn’t know how I was going to approach the God subject but if you are offended in any way. Quit reading. Duh. If not, great.)
So back to the wall.
I have had a million voices in my head for years now. I have been analyzing my actions for at least 4 years. I finally decided to talk with someone to see if I was clinically insane or if I was in fact an addict. They told me something that I will always keep close to my heart.
People who are NOT addicts DO NOT analyze their drinking/drugging actions.
I wish someone would have told me this years ago. I could have saved myself years of self doubt and fear. To me, talking to that first person was half the battle.
Inner Hippie is taking a little detour for now. I am in the process of going through 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I feel relieved that there is a name to the insanity in my head. I am on Day 5 right now and things are confusing and scary but I need to do this to get better to take the wall down, so I can live my life.
I don’t know why I am blogging my dirty laundry. I don’t plan on getting diarrhea of the mouth and blogging my whole sad sob story but I will give you a little glimpse of the process. God keeps telling me that this will be an outlet for me. I hope that I can give someone a little hope who is struggling in their own battle.
Thats all I got.