So this is what I am suppose to do now? Post stuff about this whole recovery process. How about it freaking SUCKS! How about processing your whole freaking life 24 hours a day? Analyzing every aspect of your life and trying to figure out if that is what caused the switch in you?
I had a week yesterday. Whoa! 1 whole week. It truly frustrates me to no end that the one week mark means nothing to me. Maybe we should talk about the 3 month mark or the 6 month mark when things really start getting hairy for me. Will I have the tools to stay sober then? Will I have a foundation to work with by then?
Right now I am going to meetings daily and listening. Speaking when I feel like it (mostly snot-filled cries with a little coherence in-between nose blows) and looking for a sponsor. They give you a list of numbers for you to call in case you want to drink. How in the hell are you suppose to feel comfortable with ladies you have never met? I know eventually these people will become very close to me and I will form friendships with them but for now it seems like another face/another story. I have a ton of support from my family and friends but I am still working on this whole situation alone, with Gods help. I think there is a certain level they can understand and after that they can only love and pray for me.
I need a meeting now and alas I am a mother. I can’t find a sitter. My go-to has prior plans, husband is out of town…blah, blah, blah. I have a creature that I need to pick up in 15 minutes. Then lunch… See how this process can be so freaking difficult? I do have a meeting scheduled at 7pm tonight and I will be there but what about NOW? What about at 9pm when the creatures are asleep and I am alone with all the voices in my head. When will I learn the tools and get them to work for me?
I CHOSE this path to take. It is uncomfortable for me but that IS where change is.